Matron's Competition Entry

Oh help, am I too late for the new columnist Competition? Am I in the right place?
Oh well, it doesn't matter, for in what interesting times we do indeed live. Today’s TV viewing has exposed certain scandalous behaviour on the part of GMTV, and another programme broadcast later in the evening foraged into the hallowed archives of Blue Peter its very self (shock horror, and much rocking of our very foundation garments, ladies and gentlemen of the country). It would seem that in both cases a Competition was announced with open entry to the general public, whilst all the time the ‘winner’ had been selected well ahead of the publication date of said alleged Competition.
During the running of the contests, many rewards were to be gained to the advantage of said organisations in respect of increased revenue by various means: all off the backs of the innocent competitors who dutifully ran the course, and also of those who paid for their seats to watch.
Matron has never heard of anything of the like in her life, but she has heard mutterings recently about a certain egg and spoon race being held on a neighbouring village green. Apparently the rules were changed half-way through, and a whole omelette was allowed to be carried past the finish on the back of a dun horse (or was it a donkey), anyway it was pretty dark. The other competitors had paid dearly in terms of blood, sweat and tears, and there is a good chance that their eggs could be used to the host’s advantage in future, which is pretty worrying.
Funny that should all appear on TV on our first day of term, but good to know that Honest Joe is in the Purple Coo lounge bar, from which establishment Matron simply must drag herself and attend to the dorms.
Good night all, sweet dreams.