Matron's Competition Entry

Oh help, am I too late for the new columnist Competition? Am I in the right place?
Oh well, it doesn't matter, for in what interesting times we do indeed live. Today’s TV viewing has exposed certain scandalous behaviour on the part of GMTV, and another programme broadcast later in the evening foraged into the hallowed archives of Blue Peter its very self (shock horror, and much rocking of our very foundation garments, ladies and gentlemen of the country). It would seem that in both cases a Competition was announced with open entry to the general public, whilst all the time the ‘winner’ had been selected well ahead of the publication date of said alleged Competition.
During the running of the contests, many rewards were to be gained to the advantage of said organisations in respect of increased revenue by various means: all off the backs of the innocent competitors who dutifully ran the course, and also of those who paid for their seats to watch.
Matron has never heard of anything of the like in her life, but she has heard mutterings recently about a certain egg and spoon race being held on a neighbouring village green. Apparently the rules were changed half-way through, and a whole omelette was allowed to be carried past the finish on the back of a dun horse (or was it a donkey), anyway it was pretty dark. The other competitors had paid dearly in terms of blood, sweat and tears, and there is a good chance that their eggs could be used to the host’s advantage in future, which is pretty worrying.
Funny that should all appear on TV on our first day of term, but good to know that Honest Joe is in the Purple Coo lounge bar, from which establishment Matron simply must drag herself and attend to the dorms.
Good night all, sweet dreams.

At the start of the New Term

Monday morning and a new term had begun at Purple Towers. A gentle mist settled on the hills and Matron finally emerged from the stately mansions and crawled back to the staff residences at Cesspit Cottages, rather the worse for wear and a little grubby too. Husband Poo the janitor was complaining about being hungry as he hadn’t had any skool sossages all weekend, the new arrivals had eaten them all up, and he had been on duty emptying the fosses to make more room, and he was beginning to smell. Matron had had a busy but exciting weekend welcoming the arrivals to Purple Towers and helping them to their rooms, as well as trying to find one of her own and trying to discover how to get rid of about a hundred that she had created by mistake, and it all had become a little too much for her – she only has a tiny brain, and it gets full up rather quickly; and somehow at the same time the wine cellar became quite empty and no-one could imagine how hem-hem.

So Matron is going to go to the shops this afternoon and will bring in a few supplies, and this evening she is going to sit down with a nice beaker brimming with the good stuff, and then she is going to visit as many of your rooms as possible before bed-time. But don’t panic, dears – no tidying, Matron likes to see rooms in a mess, lots of fluff, fun and creativity, but best of all people relaxing in the freedom they have found and being very, very happy. Blog away dear readers to your hearts’ content!